S.A.D.

I'm depressed. I always get depressed when the seasons change due to a handy little illness called Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D. get it? it's funny! like a crying clown!) I thought I had escaped it this year... I actually thought my depression was cured because I haven't felt it in so long, but it's back. It hit me hard too, I feel like I've been trying so hard to fight it off but it finally caught up with me.

Psalm 34:18
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

It's amazing how one can feel so happy and yet so abysmally sad at the same time. I'm ecstatically happy because Jesus is my Lord and savior, God lives, and he lives in me, I'm married to the most beautiful woman in the world and I have a generally great life. And then I have this other feeling, this meaningless emptiness. I feel like someone left the tap on without putting the plug in the drain. There's lot's of water going in, but just as much flowing out.

With depression comes the want to do things that are self destructive. Probably the worst of these things is the want to stay depressed. It's so easy to get comfortable with your depression. It becomes your friend, it's reliable, it's dependable. Eventually however it becomes you god.

Proverbs 17:22
22 A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Those words ring true. I will remain vigilant however, I will trust in the Lord, I have no god but God.

Romans 4:18-22
18Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be."[a] 19Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah's womb was also dead. 20Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, 21being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. 22This is why "it was credited to him as righteousness."

and so I hold true to this promise from Isaiah and hope that it will be credited to me as righteousness

Isaiah 9:2
2 The people walking in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death [a]
a light has dawned.