Mawage

I got the privilege last week to see two of my friends get married. It was the first time since I've been married that I've been to a wedding that I legitimately cared about. Sarah was one of the bridesmaids, so I sat by myself (well, not by myself, I was with my in-laws, but sans wife, you get the picture.) and started to remember my wedding. I have always wanted to get married, and was surprised when I hit 19 and realized I was still single. I always figured I would do it as soon as legally possible. I'm glad i waited, the following year I met Sarah and well, you know. I was however concerned about what life would be like after marriage. I had this void inside me that felt like it needed to be filled with marriage, and I was so used to that void that I became afraid of two things. Thing One: What if the void goes away? I had become so used to it that it was almost comforting. It was kind of nice staying up at night, staring dramatically out the window and longing for someone. I didn't know what I would do without that void. Thing Two: What if the void DIDN'T go away? It seemed like it would be hard to have a successful marriage if I was preoccupied by longing for someone I already had, or worse, someone I didn't. Thankfully the void went away. Being married was completely satisfying to all of my adolescent yearnings... that sounded grosser than I wanted it too. I meant lovey-dovey feelings, but yeah... anyways. Marriage, completely satisfying in non-gross ways... It was a lot of work though. I recently found a journal I used to keep and read a bit I had written about love, and reading this after two years of marriage made me wonder why I hadn't been divorced already. I had terrible preconceived notions about love and marriage, most of which were the opposite of what I have come to understand as love. I was writing things like "one doesn't have to give up ones independence to find true love..." which I now know is not true. Were I to write this journal entry today I might say "Once both partners have truly sacrificed their own independence in favour of pursuing a life together, they will begin to find a new interdependence that allows their individual personalities to flourish without smothering or clashing with one another."

A lot of people think I was too young to get married, and where I would agree with them on that from a maturity standpoint, I would disagree with them on the front that I don't think age had anything to do with it. I was immature, being married forced me to mature. I wouldn't have been any older if we had waited a week or another 5 years. That is not to say that people should get married hoping to change their spouse, because that is not a viable solution and it is an unlikely outcome. Rather when two people choose to love each other by the bibles outline, that is when relationships and personalities flourish. That is where independence and interdependence stems from. 1 Corinthians 13 has an excellent outline for love. If you haven't read it, you should. In Ephesians 5 Paul compares a marriage to the relationship between Christ and the church (and vice versa)a lot of people view this and place the man in a place of authority over his wife, however when viewed in the context of how Christ interacted with us while on earth, it seems to me that the role of a husband then becomes one of servitude. Christ was endlessly faithful and self sacrificing to the point of death. Mark 10:45 "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." That doesn't sound like any man I know, myself included. I seems like the husbands authority is one of "you first, then me", completely self sacrificing, and it is only through that sacrifice that we can claim the authority that the bible talks about. It took me a year and a half to figure this out. I hope my friends can get it sooner.

Man of the House

It`s always kind of bugged me when Telemarketers call my home and ask for "the man of the house" , mainly because I trust my wife to answer any questions or make decisions regarding long distance savings, credit card approval, home security and whatever else the jackals are selling. I trust her so implicitly that it goes beyond the trust I have in myself when it comes things like this. I've been known to utter the words "a free phone? and all I have to do is extend my contract for another 15 years? sweet deal." However in the Bible it seems that the husband is called to be the head of the household. Now a lot of guys when they think on this get filled with dreams of wives waiting on them hand and foot in only an apron and high heels, and they tend to like to throw around verses like Ephesians 5:22 where it says "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the LORD." However, that verse when used in proper context adds some perspective onto the actual role of a husband. If we look at the verses directly before and after 5:22 it says "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the LORD, for the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, his body, of which he is the Savior."
Now that puts husbands in a very unique and difficult situation. Although we are all to strive to be more Christ-like, this verse then puts husbands in an extra sub-category of Christ-likeness that should scare most men. Firstly, Christ was brutally honest, about everything, secondly he died for the church, and thirdly (women your going to love this) in both Matthew 20:28 and Mark 10:45 it says "For the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many"
When I first got married people would ask me dating or marriage advice, and my main response was "Just don't call her a bitch. Name calling is bad." And although name calling is bad I soon discovered that marriage was so much more than not calling your wife a bitch. It's clear from scripture that the role of a husband is a role of faithfulness, servitude, honesty, honour, protection and holiness. And near as I can tell we have been messing this up from day one. Venture back in time with me as we look at the first married couple, Adam and Eve. Now Eve often gets blamed for the fall of man, but I think that is mainly by people who haven't read past the first two books. In Number chapter 30:10-15 it says " ¹⁰ If a woman living with her husband makes a vow or obligates herself by a pledge under oath ¹¹ and her husband hears about it but says nothing to her and does not forbid her, then all her vows or the pledges by which she obligated herself will stand. ¹² But if her husband nullifies them when he hears about them, then none of the vows or pledges that came from her lips will stand. Her husband has nullified them, and the LORD will release her. ¹³ Her husband may confirm or nullify any vow she makes or any sworn pledge to deny herself. ¹⁴ But if her husband says nothing to her about it from day to day, then he confirms all her vows or the pledges binding on her. He confirms them by saying nothing to her when he hears about them. ¹⁵ If, however, he nullifies them some time after he hears about them, then he is responsible for her guilt."
This demonstrates a husbands obligation to his wife. Firstly, upon closer examination of Adam and Eve we see that Eve was deceived, not Adam, had he taken the opportunity to rebuke her, the fall may never have happened, but because he stayed silent he confirmed her sin (and then took part in it). Secondly, from the passage in Numbers we see that it is clearly the husbands duty to take responsibility for his wife's actions (especially when he has consented her decision to sin) but when God shows up Adam does two things; he hides, and he invents blame-shifting. In Genesis 3:10-12 it says

¹⁰ He (Adam) answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."

¹¹ And he (God) said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?"

¹² The man said, "The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it."

The Catholics believe that sin is transferred "semenally". Maybe that's why we all seem to blame God for problems that we bring on ourselves. It appears to me that God gave Adam several opportunities to get out of the fall. First: If Adam didn't eat the fruit. Second: If Adam confessed on behalf of him and his wife for eating the fruit and accepting the consiquenses. Third: If Adam hadn't strait up blamed God and his Wife for the trouble in his life. If any of the three a fore mentioned things had happened, who knows, we might all still be naked vegetarians hanging out with God.

It seems the bottom line is, we need to man up. Husbands are the representatives of Christ in a marriage, while wives are representing the Church and the nations. When you look at it in that light, no matter what, wives are holding up their end of the bargain. Are we? This then is a charge to all married men, and all men who will soon be married. Live in servitude to your wife, love her as Christ loves the church, honour your vows to respect her in everything you do. Take note from Corinthians 7:1-7 (the whole chapter is good, but long so read it yourselves!)

¹Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.^a]">[a] ²But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. ³The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. ⁴The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. ⁵Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ⁶I say this as a concession, not as a command. ⁷I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

Just remember what Proverbs 18:22 says "²² He who finds a wife finds what is good
and receives favor from the LORD"